I keep checking their socials and contacts.

That's the withdrawal. Looking gives a brief dopamine hit, then returns as a bigger craving. Just as quitting a drug means avoiding triggers, cutting the traces of your ex (contact, socials) — 'no contact' — is the first step to recovery.

Only the good memories keep coming back.

After a breakup, the brain tends to 'idealize' the relationship — the bad fades, the good sharpens. So write down why you broke up, and read it when idealization kicks in.

Can't Stop Thinking About Your Ex — It's Not Weakness

Q: It's been a while — why can't I get over my ex?

It's not that you're weak. Anthropologist Helen Fisher's research found that a heartbroken brain activates almost the same regions as a brain in drug withdrawal. Love stimulates the dopamine reward circuit, and when it's cut off, you crave that person like a withdrawal symptom. It's a natural brain response.

You broke up, your head knows it’s over, but your heart just won’t follow? You keep scrolling old photos, checking their socials, blaming yourself — “why am I like this?” Today, let’s talk about properly getting over an ex.

It’s not clinging — it’s ‘withdrawal’

Anthropologist Helen Fisher scanned the brains of heartbroken people with fMRI. The result was striking: a heartbroken brain lit up almost the same regions as a brain in drug withdrawal.

Love stimulates the dopamine reward circuit. When that person suddenly disappears, the brain goes into a ‘supply cut off’ withdrawal state. That’s why you crave them, feel restless, and keep reaching out.

So it’s not that you’re clinging or weak — your brain is going through withdrawal.

That’s why you can’t stop checking their socials

Checking your ex’s socials and contacts is like an addict reaching for the drug. The moment you look, a little dopamine fills in — then returns as a bigger craving. That’s why “just one peek” keeps resetting your recovery.

Self-check ✔

✔ Do you check your ex’s socials several times a day?
✔ Do only the good memories keep coming back vividly?
✔ Do you swing between “should I reach out” and “no”?

If so, you’re not weak — you’re passing through ‘withdrawal.’

✅ 3 steps to get over an ex

Cut contact (no contact) Cut the triggers — contact, socials, shared spaces — so the withdrawal can settle. Like avoiding the bar when you quit drinking. Blocking isn’t cold; it’s for your recovery.
Stop idealizing Write down the reasons you broke up. When only the good memories surface, read it so you don’t fall for the brain’s idealization.
Time + refill yourself Time is the cure for withdrawal. Fill that time with friends, hobbies, exercise — and dopamine starts flowing from somewhere new.

A mini case

Seoyeon checked her ex’s socials every night even four months after the breakup. Each look felt okay for a second, then crashed harder. When she accepted “this is withdrawal” and blocked the socials, two weeks were rough — but after that, the craving started fading like magic.

If it’s hard to bear alone

🥀 Withdrawal feels far longer when you endure it alone.

Tell an AI coach on Bondi how you feel right now. It checks reality with you so you don’t fall for idealization, and offers words to hold onto on the nights you crumble.

👉 Start free on bondi.my

Closing

Thinking about your ex doesn’t mean you’re not enough. It’s a natural process of your brain passing through withdrawal. Cut the triggers, stop the idealizing, and trust yourself to time. Withdrawal always ends — and dopamine flows again, even without them. 🥀